“I am so upset, my toddler doesn’t ever understand not to make so much noise.”  “He broke his toy in rage again, why does he have so much rage? He is only 3” “Seriously, children these days are so naughty, always throwing tantrums”.

This is the kind of discussion mums have whenever they are together. They are all frustrated of the behavior of their children and are not able to figure out why their children are giving them a tough time. Children do not seem to understand instructions, throw tantrums on small things, express anger by screaming or hitting and in general be hard to deal with.

How can you manage children of today? I believe there are three things every parent should keep in mind while handling children. If they practice these three things, they will see that children are no longer tiny aggressive human beings.

First of all, it is important to understand that children have needs. They might tiny, but their needs are as important as the ones of the elder. Most children react in a bad way because their emotional needs are not fulfilled. Children expect parents to express their love and care. Parents need to understand that a child sees what is visible, so if you do not tell them you love them and cherish them, children are never going to know.

Parents, you should take care that you do not hurt a child’s self-respect in any situation. Give them confidence that you consider them to be humans, albeit tiny ones. Children are not aware of various ways they can use to express their frustrations, thus they throw tantrums and be difficult.

One of my children made fuss at breakfast time. He wanted me to give him breakfast before anyone else. But he had siblings that needed to get ready, as well as his father who had to leave for work at a specific time. After carefully thinking, I understood that my child wanted loving gestures from me when he wakes up. I started giving him undivided attention for a few minutes when he woke up by hugging and kissing him, and his anger at not being given breakfast first just melted away.

Secondly, children follow elders. Analyze how you react to adversity. Do you yell, scream and throw things around? Or you try to find a solution to whatever problem you are facing? However you react, you normalize that expression for the child. So if you scream and yell, the child learns that this is the most appropriate way to react.

Thirdly, identify how you expect your child to go through his emotions. How would you like your child to behave instead of throwing a tantrum? It is imperative to understand that acknowledging the emotion is important to deal with it. So allow certain actions that a child can do to vent out. E.g. give him a dedicated pillow or punching bag and tell him that he can punch the pillow or bag when he is angry.  Or give him a designated area in the house to create a mess if it helps the child work out his emotions. You have to teach the child the most appropriate way to express himself without being a nuisance.

So, parents, parenting isn’t easy, but implementing some rules can make the ride interesting.

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