Focus on what you want, not the problem!!!

Just the other day, a husband complained about his wife’s excessive usage of handheld devices resulting in the husband feeling he and the children were being neglected. He was asked what he wanted in this situation. The obvious answer he gave was that his wife should not use her tab or cellphone that much. This was one way to see the situation. But the problem was that his answer didn’t address what he wanted, it addressed what he did not want.

Quite a few times in your life, you must have found yourself stuck in solving the problems you face. These could be daily life mundane problems like not finding enough time to have a decent lunch or larger ones like deciding between two courses of action to achieve a goal. Most people in these cases feel trapped and not being able to find an appropriate way out.

Switching the focus back to the husband’s problem… He was asked what he actually wanted. What did he want his wife’s time to be utilized in, if not spent on her cellphone? He said he expected more time be spent with him and the children. A bit closer, but still not quite…. The husband was asked to reflect on what he could do, he realized he himself had to make time by reducing the time he spent on his cellphone and tab at home.

The important part is to look at the expected result from problem resolution, and this brings you closer to resolving the problem. Dwelling only on the problem merely leads to feeling anxious and resentment towards the situation. As soon as the focus shifts to the results, finding a solution becomes easy.

Another way to address issues is to see what elements are in your control, changing which can solve the problem. In this case, the husband’s own cellphone usage was in his hands, and he could lead by example by reducing the time he spent with his devices, and eventually get his wife to spend less time on her cellphone or tab.

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